Are love languages actually real?
Is Love Language a Real Language? The short answer to the question of whether or not love languages really do exist is yes. There really is such a thing as a love language. In fact, there is lots of literature surrounding this theory to help prove that love languages are in fact real.
If you really, truly value something so strongly it defines the way you give and receive love, your love language must be what you lacked throughout your life. Don't we all want what we've never had? If your love language is words of affirmation, encouragement and support may have not been in your childhood vocabulary.
Love Languages Have Two Sides – Giving and Receiving
How you instinctively give love may not be the same as how you receive love. These factors usually align, but not always. For instance, you may enjoy giving gifts to others, but you do not enjoy receiving them.
Receiving gifts, words of affirmation and physical touch may be the ways you like to be loved, but by observing your preferences over time, you may find the one that by far makes you tick more than the others. “My love languages are all of them combined! I am not exclusively bound to one.
Men – especially those 45 and over – are much more likely than women to name physical touch as the top way they prefer to receive love. The third-ranked love language is words of affirmation; 19% of Americans choose this as their preferred way to receive love.
Like many great things in life, love languages are fluid, not fixed. As your relationship grows and evolves, your love language will too. “Love languages change as needs in the relationship change,” explains Michael Guichet, LMFT. “At different stages our demands on our time change, goals change, and so forth.”
Trauma creates barriers to using love languages
Any of the love languages — affirmation, physical touch, gifts, etc. — can be memory triggers for times they felt endangered or manipulated. They can signal threats to a trauma survivor if a basis of trust and safety has not been established and healing has not occurred.
People whose primary love language is quality time will feel particularly hurt by canceled or postponed plans, says Chapman.
“It's normal to have different languages, but the key is to be clear with your partner about what you are needing versus assuming that since they know, they 'should' be delivering on it.” A tip to keep couples on track to giving and receiving love is to ask one another throughout the day “Do you need anything?”
The Myth of Love Languages The Myth of Love Languages The Myth of Love Languages. The five love languages were not driven by data, and the original book and those that have come since are not based in science.
Is love language a theory?
The theory of 5 Love Languages was proposed by Gary Chapman in 1992. Chapman, who worked as a counsellor found that couples were not feeling loved despite their partners believing they were doing all the right things for them. He found that patterns emerged in what his clients wanted from their partners.
Bishop says that oftentimes our preferred love languages relate to the love we did or did not receive from our primary caregivers in childhood.” If a child in a dysfunctional household grew up never hearing praise, then as an adult she may crave 'words of affirmation' from her romantic partner,” she says.
Ideally, both people will want to express love in a way that is meaningful to the other. The entire purpose of exploring your love languages together is to learn how to love your partner in a way that is meaningful to them.